butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
