so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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