I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
