You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
