one two three fourrrrnication!
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
