All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
