i jhust puked up my retainher.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
