just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
