i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I love you. Go after that dick
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
