I'm pants shitting drunk right now
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
