I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
