If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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