Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
