By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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