kristin has been a bad kristin
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
