community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
