I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
