party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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