Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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