I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Randomize
