life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
