Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
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