I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
My cat gives me a boner
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
