My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I've blown a few things in my day
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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