I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
