my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
the liver wants what the liver wants
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I DEMAND FORESKIN
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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