Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
