Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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