yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
