He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
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