Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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