is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
