And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
All the doctor said was why
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
