whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
sex in a hospital.. check
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
