I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
