DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
