I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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