3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
