you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
