I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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