I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
