He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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