I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
