I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
