I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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