The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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