So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
