we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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