In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
