Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Randomize
